Monday, 30 April 2012

Misleading Photographs

Where's the Manure?
One is sick and tired of seeing photographs in the newspapers that have little or no relation to the subject matter of the story. It's a disgrace.

Frequently, the photo will be of some scantily clad maidens in provocative postures indicative of pre-sexual activity.

Yet the story will be about a muckspreader that went out of control in Chipping Norton covering everybody in manure.

Sunday, 29 April 2012

Center for Bio-Ethical Reform's Anti-abortionist Methods!

Greg Cunningham
'Look at Me Everybody!'
Just heard this Yankee Chappie, Greg Cunningham, who's coming to the UK to Protest about Abortion!.

Well if that is what the man wants to do then let him. But One doesn't like his methods!

He sticks large graphic pictures of the unborn all over the place in public areas. Doesn't he realise that some people have just eaten breakfast, fast food or a Kebab?!!!

One doesn't want this in One's face willy nilly in public!  Who does this bleeder think he is? People like him should be ashamed of themselves putting material of that sort up in public areas. It's the tactics of desperation!! It's a disgrace!

There's only one thing to do with his sort, take them to a shopping centre or train station and then string them up, draw and quarter them! That's the only sort of language they understand!

Friday, 27 April 2012

Freedom for Chen Guangcheng!!

Who am I? .

 Bravo to Chen Guangcheng for making his bid for freedom!!! He's done it. After two years under house arrest he gave the guards the slip and is on the run.

One despises oppression don cha know! We've been given mouths to speak so let's hear what everyone's got to say.

Apparently after his escape Chin Gunjam then issued a video for the authorities to ponder over.

Although One has to enquire as to why Chan Gundung chose to wear sunglasses to disguise himself? It's not as though it wouldn't help the authorties find Chon whether he had em on or off. I mean they all look the same in that part of the world so what difference would it make?

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Social Cleansing in The Borough of Newham

Socially Cleansed
Just heard on the wireless about social cleansing in the London borough of Newham.

Apparently, the authorities there are sending riff-raff to Stoke-on-Trent for housing because it’s a damn site cheaper.

This is an outrage! Stoke-on-Trent is over 200 miles from London. 

It's not nearly far enough! How about the Isle of Skye? There's only a few people there and there must be a few abandoned houses so the rent will be really low.

Better still send the lot of em to the North Pole! There’s no houses there at all so rent would be free! And if they start complaining about the cold then just thrash the living daylights out of em don cha know!

Saturday, 21 April 2012

Pippa Middleton's Arse?!

Up Yours!!!
Is this all there is left to talk about on this blasted planet? Pippa Middleton's backside! What in God's name is all the fuss about?

It's supposed to be incredible but let me tell you this. As far as one is concerned ones' backside is used for two things, sitting on and shitting out of! Just those two things!

Granted they can be used for kicking but that is a consequence of something. One doesn't offer one's backside to be kicked. One sits or shits!

So just remember those two things when someone next shows you a photo of her backside. She shits out of it and anyone who tries to make you believe otherwise is talking out of their arse!

Thursday, 19 April 2012

Capitalist Woman!

One can scarcely contain one's anger for much longer! Modern society has completely objectified women to an extent never before seen in the history of mankind. Just look at this photograph.

By forcing women to be thin Captialism has subjugated them to a second class existence no different to what it was 100 years ago. 

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Brievik's Arse on Trial.

Just writing about that damn fool in Norway! Just look at the twonk. Massacred 77 unarmed people. It's a disgrace!

What I didn't get was that he was protesting against Islam yet he killed a load of Christians?! What's that all about? He's the last one anyone would want on their own side!

Everybody gets angry and all that from time to time but that doesn't mean one can go around shooting people, no Sir by Jimeny it does not!

What you do is thrash the servants.That always lifts my spirits don cha know.

There’s only one thing to do with his sort; round all of them up, stick them on a small island and shoot the lot of em. That's the only language that sort understand.

Sunday, 15 April 2012

The President of the United States

Talking Baraks or pure Mitt?
Just writing about the Presidential Candidates in the United States of America for the 2012 Election; Barak Obama and Mitt Romney.

What the blazes were their parents thinking when they named these people. And just who in God's name was Newt?

What happened to good ole fashioned names that have been the mainstay of modern Western Culture. Names like, well Percy for starters, short for Percival and named after Persius of Greek Mythology.

Then there are other great names; Farquhar, was one of my favourites. Then there is my blasted son Cuthbert. Also Quentin, Crispin, Barrington, Tarquin and Tarkwell and don't forget my first ex-wife Blitherington Farquhar-Farquharson.

Saturday, 14 April 2012

Titanic Loss!

1500 lost to the sea.
A little over one hundred years ago this the SS Titanic sank in the North Atlantic Ocean after colliding with an enormous Cheeseburger.

This disaster is a poignant reminder of the fragility of human nature, for while we are confident our nature dictates that sometimes some idiot somewhere will error as we set forth to travel, explore and unify our humble planet.

Monday, 9 April 2012

One Must Protest!

Trenton Oldfield - Get Him Out!!
One is writing to express one's abhorrence regarding the disruption to the Oxford v Cambridge Boat race on Saturday! It was a disgrace!

Egads just what the blazes was going through that man's mind! He clearly has no idea how to protest properly. Where was the dignity and respect for other people's enjoyment on this day?

Erika Roe - Get Them Out!!

What he should have done was to get his ex-wife to take her top off. That would have been alot more fun and a damn sight better than watching a load of tedious, wet, undergraduates shuffling sticks in a boat!

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Beware of false iGods

Apparently the second coming started a few years ago! He is here!

One can't actually believe it but apparently from everything I have seen and read the Messiah was here and was in tip top form with hundreds of thousands of worshipers from all over the world. But before you know it he was gone again!!!

Born in the 1950s he went on to enlighten millions of us with his iconic symbol of divine inspiration. Yes it was called the Ipad.

Personally, one thinks it's all a load of tosh. People like that posing as Gods should be nailed to posts! Then have their bodies thrown into unmarked caves around Easter time when loads of us are on holiday.

Saturday, 7 April 2012

Hose-Pipe Ban in Southern England!

Whip-Crackingly Good Thrashings!
This is a disaster! One has got hose-pipes all over the place and now one is not permitted to use them!

And it's not because of the drought either! It's because of those loons at the water companies! Total incompetence.

It's all very well them banning the use of hoses but tell me this; what am I now supposed to use to thrash the living daylights out of the gardening staff? Hey? I bet then haven't got an answer for that!

With a hose, if you get the swing right it acts like a whip! And with enough practice one can master the crack of the whip to sound just as the servants shout in pain!

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Aliens land in Dover

Galacto-Communist  Aliens!
What the blazes is going on!?? Just heard that Aliens have landed in Dover and that they are going to kill everyone and then destroy planet Earth!

I mean this is all very well but it is actually avoiding the main issue, which is are they Communists?! I bet they are and I bet they've been working with the EU too! This is just the sort of stunt they'd try and pull! Well it won't work!

The last thing planet Earth needs right now is to be blown to smithereens by Communists! It's not important if they are blasted cripity-crapity extra-terrestrial Communists or ones from Soviet Russia, they're all the same if you ask me; yes they simply adore spending OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY!

If you think for one second that I am prepared to stand by and be laser-beamed by a load of Galacto-Communist Aliens then by Jimeny you've got another thing coming. No Sir! If I'm going down at all it'll be by Capitalist ones, at least they'll keep all my money for themselves and not hand it out to the poor willy-nilly. 

These things are important don cha know!

Monday, 2 April 2012

End of the World?!

Worse Things Have Happened
Apparently the world is going to end this year. Well let me tell you something it’s definitely not going to end this year.

How do I know? Because it ended in 1979 when the last bottle of Domaine Armand Rousseau Pere et Fils Chambertin 1936 was polished off by some ghastly bankers too stupid to know the difference between it and a wretched Claude Dugat Griottes-Chambertin 1879.

Once I'd heard that that last bottle had been drunk I was forced to instantaneously assult all the staff in order to forget!

And since that time I've never been near a blasted bank either. Animals!!