Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Cass Elliot: Conspiracy Theory

Mama Sandwich & Ham Elliot
One can confirm that Cass Elliot of the Mamas and Papas, that musical ensemble from 1960's California did not choke to death on a Ham Sandwich. No Sir by Jimeny she did not!

Common Legend has it that she did. This rumour started after the Old Bill had raided her abode after she hadn't answered the phone for a few days. As they barged in they found her on the carpet with a half eaten ham sandwich lying next to her body.

They then issued a statement saying exactly that and Bob's your uncle everyone put two and two together and concluded that she had choked on the aforementioned snack don cha know. Why the filth chose to mention the sandwich is beyond anyone's comprehension but the damage had been done. I mean if they had stated that she was found on the floor next to a pile of crap you wouldn't have concluded that she had snuffed it whilst defecating would you? No Sir!!!

So what was the actual cause? Well one has come up with a tip-top theory as to what actually happened that day?

Quite clearly this was the work of Al Queda! They told Ted Kennedy that Cass Elliot has slept with Luther Van Dross and he got jealous. Not actually knowing who Cass Elliot was Kennedy then killed the first woman he saw thinking that that would be OK, hence Chappaquiddick.

However, he was wrong so Al Queda gave him Elliot's address whereupon he promptly went round and threw his half eaten ham sandwich at her in a fit of contempt. She panicked and shat herself, he laughed and scarpered leaving her alone. She got bored  and topped herself.

Simple really.