Not Pregnant with Brother, Just Obese

Life is a funny old thing don cha know! Occasionally The Lord sends one a challenge that requires intellect, astuteness and a shear expanse of mental capacity to get oneself out of a sticky situation.

Unfortunately for one, one has none of these traits so one usually has to rely on the reserves of wit, bolshiness and lying to get out of one's sticky situations. And this was what happened the other day whilst walking in a public park. One doesn't normally walk in public parks but one needed to reaffirm just how rich one was by comparing its size to the vast acorage of one's own estates dotted around the place.

Anyway, one's mood was of a hearty disposition, one even got a passer-by to donate some money to a beggar. One saw a young couple, obviously intoxicated by love and the excitement of the impending birth of their baby, strolling towards my good self. I thought I would share my heartiness and pay them both my compliments.

SPWA:         Congratulations!
Female Prole: What do you mean?
SPWA:         Your child?
Male Prole:   What are you talking about?
SPWA:        (pointing to stomach) That. When is it due?
Female Prole: When is what due?
SPWA:         This thing, you two have obviously been at it.

This was when one realised that the female prole was not in fact expecting offspring at all. This was where one's wit took charge to try to lighten the tense situation.

SPWA:        Oh I see you are obese!
Male Prole:  What?!
SPWA:        One thought this chappie here had got you pregnant
Male Prole:  This is my sister.
SPWA:        I always say 'never judge a person by their obesity  Male Prole:  You got a problem mate? 
SPWA:        Underneath all that blubber there is a human being.
Male Prole:  I don't like you mate!

One then proceeded to walk away sharpish before the two proles became violent.