Sunday, 1 February 2015

Tip-Top Counter-Terrorism Plan

Sainsbury's
Right so I was eating breakfast in bed this morning, smoked kippers and champagne as a matter of fact when I had this tip-top wonderful idea to prevent those sexually frustrated terrorists attacking and destroying public buildings and famous monuments, like the attacks in New York on the World Trade Centre way back in 2001. In fact my idea was so splendid that I fancy it can be applied to any major city throughout the civilized world facing this sort of threat. It's also fast, cheap and easy to implement. This one's going to be a winner I can tell you!

Right then, down to business, first thing to do is to locate your city that is under threat say for example London. Once you've done that you will need to evacuate the place. This must be done pretty sharpish as if these terrorist twits get wind of your plan they may be inclined to make a pre-emptive move thus rendering your plan very silly and you don't want that happening. I fancy the evacuation should take no more than four hours, anyone left in the city after that is probably on drugs anyway so who's going to notice if they have left or not?


Right then so London is evacuated now what? Simply make your way to your bomber, any bomber will do but if you are interested these days I use the Heinkel He 111 P6, which has the slightly lengthened fuselage. This is necessary as the nuclear device you will be carrying will be a tad on the large side when compared to your usual standard bomb load used for clearing gypsies from your estate in the summertime for example.

Get in to your bomber and take orff, heading in a Londonly direction. An important point here is to remember to put the nuclear bomb on board otherwise when it comes to dropping it you may end up looking a bit of a nincompoop and that's the last thing you want your terrorist loser-face ninnies to think you are!

Clever Idea
Splendid so you are in your plane, nuclear device at the ready, heading towards London, what next? Well next up is to fly directly to Sainsbury's on Fetter Lane, very close to the A4 at an altitude of two miles. The Sainsbury's is where you will be wanting to drop your nuclear device in order to wipe out as many monuments, national treasures, government institutions, palaces and a whole host of coffee shops, supermarkets and satirical publications that arse-bandit terrorists seem particularly intent on bringing disruption to these days.

Once released, you'll have about 15 seconds to get the blazes out of there but once out we will have denied these silly-billy terrorists any chance to cause trouble, feel good about themselves and also deny the blasted press something to blabber on about for weeks on end. These  people must think they are better than we are! They'll think twice before blowing up any monuments and famous buildings in future. 

We'll show em who's in charge!