How to Derail an Armed E.U. Power Grab in Your Local Community Library

Ferrero Rocher

Right so the European Union loves taking control of things. They just can't help themselves don cha know!

Typically, they like taking control of things that don't belong to them, especially successful things. The more successful the thing is the more they love taking control of it. Now that's all very well and good but what gets me is that once they've taken control of the successful thing they immediately cock the thing up and give it away to people. They are obviously completely loopy! 


Anyway, due to the subversive nature of your average E.U. bureaucrat you will find that they always do a lot of groundwork before taking control of the thing that they want to take control of. This is a consequence of public education, something that I have been a vociferous opponent of for years. 

Let's look at an example of a successful thing; your common or garden local community library! Because your E.U. bureaucrat tends to be educated they are therefore cowards and will desist from any all-out assaults on community libraries for fear of counter attacks from the librarians. This thinking is of course delusional as libraries simply don't have weapons caches but that's not how the E.U. bureaucrat thinks. You see the E.U. bureaucratic mind is typically a paranoid mind full of conspiracy theories, foreign languages, communism and other muck generated from all that reading. They therefore think that everybody else is just as paranoid as they are and therefore bound to have a secret weapons cache hidden somewhere. 

Librarian

So how does the E.U. bureaucrat take control of your local community library? They first sneak an infiltrator in to the premises by getting them a job as a cleaner or lavatory attendant. This person will then check out the library shelves looking for a secret button to the arms cache. If they can't find it they will attempt to get another person a job there so they can both look for secret buttons and what have you that lead to a cache. Naturally they won't find anything because they are stupid. Nevertheless they will fill as many of the jobs in that library as possible with their dirty spies before striking. 

And that's when the armed assault takes place. With up to as many as half the employees being armed employees of the E.U. the proper librarians won't stand a chance, fait accumpli!

However, due to my years of experience dealing with all this sort of thing in the jungles and deserts, I can tell you that even when this menace has taken full control of your local community library all is not lost. Disposing of this menace is relatively easy and can also be done without a drop of blood being spilled.

'Oi Ware-Armitage,' I hear you ask, 'tell us 'ow it's done then guv!' 

This is what you will need

  I) A limousine

 II) A bottle of champagne 

III) A tray of Ferrero Rocher

Firstly, pick up your tray of Ferrero Rocher and bottle of Champagne and walk casually towards the library entrance. If you can put them on a tea trolley with a lovely white cloth over the top then that would be marvellous, otherwise make sure you look pretty sharpish when approaching. When one of the E.U. vagabonds intercepts you at the entrance tell him that the local ambassador (borough councillor) sends his compliments and wants to discuss things. In particular, that the E.U. bureaucrats have been given gigantic pay-rises and better jobs at the European Commission, that a limousine is awaiting them across the road ready to take em to the airport forthwith and that everything is completely under their control.

You see because of the massive, bloated, hugely egocentric, self-

E.U....

serving nature of your average E.U. bureaucrat they will see the Ferrero Rocher and Champagne as a signal you are organising a grand ball or function in the library on their behalf in celebration of how clever they are in pulling orff this coup d'etat (just like in the Ferrero Rocher advert on the telly.) They will then drop their weapons and start engorging themselves on the Champagne and Ferrero Rocher until they are sick and pass out. 

Once they've passed out, pick em up, put them in a car of your choice and ship em back from where they came. Simple. You see this is why it is always important to know your foe and also to arm all librarians. Marvellous.